Meet the Fake Plastic Yuk!!

Given how much the united kingdom or various acts of union can produce such frothing, unreasoned devotion in a section of the population of the islands just off the continent of Europe, I think it is important thing to say that:

There is no such thing as the united kindom; there never has been any such thing as the united kingdom; there never will be any such thing as the united kingdom.

Once you realise this a whole opressive parcel of lies you have been fed since your childhood are blown away and you feel suddenly lightened and free! You've stopped accepting crap as truth and are much better for it. Of course those who need the so-called united kingdom and the acts of union as a fundamental part of their psychological make-up will feel angry and start offering threats of severe violence and so on.
The first thing to say is the universe existed before any so-called united kingdom ever did. There's a good 13 billion or 6,000 years (depending on your viewpoint) of existence ticking along just fine without a so-called united kingdom, which itself is about 300 years old at best and was compromised in the first half of the 20th Century. That is nothing! Why would you make such a fleeting piece of bugger all a fundamental part of your makeup? That is insane!!
The second thing to say is put better by a Mr Peter Mm:

So that's why England never got it's own parliament or assembly. It never lost it's own!

To be fair the so-called united kingdom is a result of the depraved desires of the ruling elite of England more than the English people themselves who have had to fight for centuries to get basic human rights from rulers who had no desire to grant these rights and would fight until blood flowed to keep them from the people of England. Democracy? What democracy?

Being of English hertiage (oh yes!), I find myself mourning the England that could have been. All the achievements lost or downed in the amoral hunger to be the biggest and best country in the whole world.
We didn't need to be and in the pursuit of it we lost a great and vital part of our soul. I cannot say the world is a better place because of it either. Sorry but that's what happens when you are lied to and you believe the lies as the perfect truth.
At the end of all this, there still is no uk. There is the yuk however, and that just makes you sick to the stomach.



Bisson

Kids Programme!!

This is the planet of dark soup.

So called because it is made entirely of dark soup.

Except for the piece of land

That was unplanned

Some people lived there

Quite unaware

What did they have to eat as a treat?

Why nothing but dark soup!

This made them feel sad

So they would stay

For many a day

In their house called a croup.

One man called Maxwell

Who knew his facts well

Said I shall build a rocket by the croup

And fly us all off the planet called 'dark soup'.

He's crazy the others would say

Put him away!

Despite the sadness that filled,

Maxwell did build at least half a rocket

And left it at that.

Then every evening he joined the chrous crew

Throughout the croup

Oh why do we stay on

This planet of dark soup?!

Just a Thought...Flower of Scotland

I doubt 'Flower of Scotland' would have been written if not for the union...That's what the union did to Scotland.

The union allowed the Brattish Emptyness to  happen...
The Brattish Emptyness or Brit Emp for short made a tiny number of white men very, very rich and kept the rest docile, obedient and productive with flag-waving caca.

Sepoys tied to cannons, not necessarily to save ammunition which was the norm, but it was a very sadistic form of execution...This is one achievement of the British Empire but there are in fact many others; slavery, famine, theft, drug addiction, concentration camps, castration and outbreaks of sporadic yet jingoistic genocide.

This is why Scotland needs to be free.
Never mind the hive mind? Fears of a yoon? Capering in the butchers apron?
Well...yeah!

You can't erase a shame but you can say you want no part no more part of the deadbeat outfit which brought you the shame in the first place...plus 'Rule Britannia' such a jaw-breaking yawn anyway and the rest of the planet is sick of hearing about it.

Maybe make Brexit at last mean something - the exit from Britain!! Aha! Aha!



Bisson

Fuck The Conservative Party...Forever

Hey!

I just got my letter telling me I'm coming off DLA and gotta claim PIP! I have to do this by a certain date or I don't get jack shit! Plus even if I do claim then you will be assessed and might not even get it! Also, I got my letter not long after finding out about the many tax avoidance and evasion schemes used by the wealthy that cost this country millions in lost revenue! Yippee! 

PIP, or pip, it's such a jolly name, just like Belsen is such a jolly name!

Actually the flouting of Godwin's Law just feels so appropriate and fitting for this situation right now that I'm just gonna do it anyway. That said the comparison of Iain Duncan Smith with Josef Mengele is unfair as Mengele's treatment of the disabled had some sort of sick, twisted purpose to it while Duncan Smith has none. You see Tories; even the Nazis were a better party than you and it really takes something for me to be saying that!! Seriously. 

PS: Just an FYI, when your new benefit system has already cost lives and will continue to do so, it ain't working!

Outside of current anger and despair, there is a recognition that nothing really could be done to stop this. Duncan Smith and DWP successors are stoolies figuratively as well as literally. This was going to happen and it didn't matter which puppet was going to implement this, our rulers (whoever you think they are) had already decided this was going to happen and this would be the benefit system from now on. It is fact. Any change or leniency is a dream for a far off day or simply will not happen.

One of the things I can take from this is the final removal of the illusion of justice; legal fairness and equality is only for the wealthy. Tax avoidance/evasion is for greedy bastards and they do nothing, repeat nothing, to help. They have washed their hands of their country and their country should do the same to them. Of course it won't, so, that's it. That's justice, which doesn't exist.

The saddest thing really is there is a lovely little island off the Irish coast called Tory; having been there, what a tragedy that it is now associated with one of the most immoral and malign political parties to ever have cursed the face of the Earth.

That's justice...

Bisson

Why Brexit Must Destroy Britain

Brexit...really is a stupid word. As meaningless now as when it was coined up by whichever bite-size pain in the backside coined it up in the first place. It's Britain's exit from the European Union, not that Britain ever really joined in the first place, so its a stupid word as its not a word at all but lazy terminology.

When we speak of Britain, we of course mean England and its adjuncts; long-conquered and colonised Wales, subdued Scotland and the colony in Ireland that never really got much further south and so had to make do with being Northern Ireland. Still two out of three is not a bad hit rate and the English have learnt to live with that, albeit with the worse grace possible.

The real reasons for Britain leaving the EU are not exactly complex but have just not filtered through to the general population; mainly because the people in positions of power who want to leave, DON'T WANT the general population to know the real reasons for leaving the EU. Therefore the reason for leaving has been put down to the need for immigration control and how being part of the EU undermines such control.

Ah immigrants...that favoured old chestnut of an island people. To foam about immigration you need to have a basic and warped perception of nationalism and culture. Of course, Britain was built on immigration; you sort of need it to populate an island and would Scotland be such a pliant partner in the union if it had not be shorn of a sizable chunk of its population through forced emigration (becoming immigrants)? Nope, because the ones left are the ones too weak to put up any resistance.

Naturally in Britain immigrants are feared. From the modern EU, we have the descendants of all those people who fought so hard for Britain during World War Two and were then left high and dry afterwards. The immigrants who come from places that were run into the ground so Britain could have an empire and the immigrants who come every time a ham-fisted British foreign policy bites viciously on some distant country. Hated and feared, all of them.

Of course, they are in Britain to take jobs; which is easily done as they have fewer rights and protections compared to British workers and so rich, greedy employers hire them eagerly as they can then save some dosh not paying for Union agreed hours, wages, insurance and etc.

They are not here for the NHS and welfare state any more as that's nearly dead, of course.

So how can Britain save itself from immigrants? Well, the major problem is what we call Brexit. According to those in favour of leaving, Britain will become a wonderful paradise when it leaves where the streets will be paved in gold and everybody will be lovely and happy and free forevermore in their little land of hope and glory...

Nice, except that will make Britain an absolute magnet for immigration. Think about it, if Britain becomes this great land of honey and dew and sugar rock candy, then that's exactly the place people will want to be. They'll come in their droves and what is more they will come illegally which will mean you'll never be too sure how many immigrants are in the country at any given time. Unless of course you're prepared to watch every inch of the coastline 24/7, but even at that...

So if Brexit happens and Britain becomes the place the leavers want it to be then it will totally defeat the purpose of anti-immigration which is the main reason the general population voted to leave the EU. Britain will be viewed as the ultimate destination for ALL immigrants.

Ergo if you are anti-immigration then Brexit must kill Britain; the country must be reduced to a sniveling pile of wretched putridness, far below the degradation of even the most poverty stricken Third World country. It must be the worst place on Earth; the last place people escaping war and poverty want to come to. That is why for Brexit to truly work it must destroy Britain.

Yet fear not little foaming outsider haters, the ruin of Britain began well before it decided to leave the EU now...




Bisson.

Poor Pussy Cat

Greetings,

Boredom breeds laziness, but what breeds boredom? Good Question. Perhaps the simple answer is fear.

What is fear? Just to love, the one you think of and they then run away from you, not allowing you to? Perhaps.

I was going to explain the origin of the phrase "Not so lucky, Pierre" which my name gave weight to.

Well, it is the cri de coeur of the unlucky in love, of which I am the most I know. I have fallen to love and lost.

I have tried to reach out and been rejected.

Ah that the most painful curse of all as you reveal yourself to your most naked core and are still found wanting. How do you, how can you feel then?

So fuck dating websites.

What is left? Well the infinite flaws of oneself, which of course, you are not unaware.

But then? Are you not a person of some interest? Do you not have redeeming features? So why be rejected?

I know not.

When one tries to find love and is rejected, one can be as I was and at least one can say; "Not so lucky, Pierre!" As luck favors those who pertain towards it...

Perhaps it is best to pour yet more into the glass and think no more of it.



Pierre

Nurture not Nature...

Waiting for something worth posting...this isn't it.

I remember a conversation I had with an ex...

Her: "Bisson, where are our children?"

Me: "Ehh, here and thereabouts on the bed sheet dearest, in fact if you get an extra strong microscope you can see them better. Look our eldest is doing front and backstroke. He'll be an Olympic champion that one..."

Her: "Would they not be better in my vagina?!"

Me: "But that's where they become really expensive my love!"

Her: "You pulled out as you came, you fucking..."

And that's all I remember of that conversation, but that was quite a later relationship and you can see why that ended. I was too far gone then.

I tried Plenty of Fish quite a few times before that. What happens on POF is one out of over 99,000 girls you contact actually answers your email for which you've had to debase and humiliate yourself completely to send, which is exactly how you feel when they don't respond. Self-respect? Had to look that up in a dictionary and I haven't had it since I was five years old anyway.

The ones that do...it turns out you rather they hadn't. What happens is you meet a girl and she expels a small mass of tobacco into a spittoon, pushes her stetson up to get a good look at you and speaks to you in that fine western, Arizona drawl that all girls have.

"That's a real purty heart yeh got thar..."

You nod your head, albeit in fearful agreement. She will spit out another spume of tobacco and then resume her considered remarks.

"Real purty...Actshually that lil 'ol heart looks real fine in that chest cavity...but would look even bettah if Ah rip it outta there, throw it to the ground and stamp on it continuous laike...then it'll look real beautyfull in mah trophai cabinet..."

At this point you shake your head fiercely in fearful disagreement but you know it's all too late for that, cos she spits out her last wad of tabaccy and comes for yeh. Some of them don't even bring their own spittoons and you're left with a horrendous carpet cleaning bill.

Now that was POF, but you'll have exactly the same experience on OK Cupid, Match.com, Tinder and so on. Just the stetsons tend to vary.

I've been ripped to pieces over love and relationships since I was 20 anyway. I'm quite fed up with it by now. It's like getting ripped to pieces by wild dogs but you've got to stitch yourself together each time and your needlework is getting worse every time, really bad and there's always material left over. If you're in a monastery and you ever get a twinge of 'what if?', don't. Brother, you took the easy way out.

Actually as I race towards middle age I have found that past experience has tended to heighten my standards. Now, for example, I will ask myself a question like this;

'Is this woman as good as or better than "No Other", the album by Gene Clark?'

'Erm...better than "Life's Greatest Fool"...? Possibly, though I've had my self-respect trod on more than I have listened to that song...'

'Ok...is she as good as "Strength of Strings?'

'BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Are you serious?? There hasn't been the woman born!!'

'What about "Some..."

'You seriously need to shut up now, this is the stupidest internal conversation I've ever had.'

And that is the lesson I've learnt the hard way. Girlfriends are great, don't get me wrong but they will never, ever be as great as good music. That will never leave you, it will always break your heart only in a good way and is always there when you're heart has been broken by some nasty human.

So get a monastery with a good sound system and you're set for life!



Bisson

Morons of the Brattish Isles unite!

Howzit going dere?

They have an extradition treaty with the Caymen Islands...oh spiffing! So I ran back here.

I was foaming with rage in the sun since the new year as we lose good men and the shit-talkers still rule the world. What's the latest fib then?

Oh, Derek 'Daave' Camerunt's Ma apparently would say "Put on a suit, do up your tie and sing the national anthem". Oooh would she?! Sounds like it was a laugh a minute in your house when you grew up, Derek, no wonder you turned out so fucked up.

We get the suit/tie/anthem shit for the first 20 years of our lives and those of us with sense tell this type of empty pointless gunge to get to fuck and stop jamming up our brains with its pointlessness. So get to fuck Daave, which in your case means SERIOUSLY FUCK OFF.

Anway Daave's Ma never said that. What she did say to him was:

"Dear Cunt, stop cunting around with our vital public services you stupid cunt. Should never have sat on the bed after your father cracked one off on the eiderdown and I became pro-abortion after I squeezed you out, you smooth faced cunt. You fucked my piss-flaps forever more with that over sized cunt of a head of yours. Fuck you.
Signed Mrs Cameron aka deeply sorry mother of a dozy cunt."

Quote her correctly next time Daave, she's on the money.

Meanwhile in Amerikkka...

A comb-over shows us with enough money you can buy an election but are still too cheap to get a decent hair transplant. What the over-comb plans to do is, like all American dreams, lifted from Germany in 1945. He wants to build showers for any non-white people still left in the country after he buys his way into the White House as he thinks if you're not white, then you must be dirty. Only his trick is they are not actually real showers...

You think this is the end of the world? Nah that already happened in 2008. Or maybe it was 1980...

 We're fucked anyway in case you didn't guess.

Bisson



Ps: Learn the national anthem, before it's too late!



 

The swirling of musings at the bottom of the glass

Greetings,

I suppose I must be a socialist. I never thought I was. I always imagined a proven lack of awareness of socialist tenents would make someone utterly unqaulified for such an appellation. Yet I hear comedians such as Mark Steele or Mark Thomas speak and it is like brain nectar; refreshing and exactly in tune with my own feelings at the same time. I hear Billy Bragg and I hear a man speaking good sense.

By contrast when this David Cameron comes on the screen I change the channel immediately with a few well chosen Gallic oaths questioning his parentage, humanity and etc. This person is right wing and everything he says just makes the mind feel more leaden and the feeling that you are being told a downright pack of lies. That you know you are being sold falsehoods and you must pay. Vile little man.

Another glance in the glass and well fed by a sharp white, this is such a method to while away the afternoon in a sufferable blur. Then I am a socialist, it is indeed nice to have these things decided sometimes. Meanwhile on the record player I have Zoot Allures upon the platter, not for the usual connotations but because one of my favourite musicians happens to be Frank Zappa. I have begun side B with the excellent aural philosophising of 'Find Her Finer' and its even more excellent warning of how trying to impress a girl with your finer qualities will get you nowhere in love.

I have no finer qualities but I am nowhere in love all the same. I would surmise that you could play the willfully ignorant man mountain card but how do you maintain such a guise for the rest of your relationship? She will find your finer qualities out sooner or later and then you will be dumped I suppose. It would be a very stressful act to maintain but again not wholly without benefit.

However to speak with any authority I must turn to the phrase that my name gave form to:
"Not so lucky, Pierre."
This does begat a whole area with which I can talk with absolute conviction and qualification and therefore must be explained. However it will be next time as the bottle calls, until then, yours,



Pierre

Feigning indifference is different...

Bonsoir

Ah a gaze towards the pallid light eking its way through the gauze upon the windows shows the fallacy of such a greeting but nevertheless if I think in French and write in English I am expected to make some acknowledgement of the former. The tourists love it.

What I will not acknowledge is this rather stewed vintage wallowing in both glass and bottle before me. Clearly from the side of the vineyard where the grape pickers relieve themselves. It has not been opened since 2014. One glass in and I can see why.

Still, a borderline alcoholic must take the chaff with the wheat sometimes. Why not drink when you can think of little else to do? It is the drug to be the crutch for the rest of your life. I was on a consignment of prescription drugs not long ago which were meant to alleviate the mood and bring a feeling of worth back to the desolate canyons of my mind. Not even a sisyphean task, for rolling a rock up and down a mountain is a far more achievable request by comparison.

I cannot say it is self-loathing which commands these feelings; for that emotion is the foolishness of youth and immaturity. No, self-doubt is what I feel more. That concern that you are just not cut out for anything. You lack the skills which may make you a happier person. There is no skill required in buying yet another bottle to blitz away the day, inhibition and memory; the long term experience of any of these things can only increase the sorrow and isolation I find.

The only hurdle with wine is needing money but that is so celebrated and worshipped in this modern world. The atheists have freed us from religion but throw themselves entirely at the feet of money. I find money to be more intangible, baseless and ludicrous to believe in than any of the major religions they tend to sneer at these days.

I remember the cliche of the French being great lovers. I have been entirely passed by that national stereotype if it ever existed. I have become even less interesting with age and apart from drunken musings in the dark hours before dawn have entirely resigned myself to a life without love. Less complicated it is true, but...the loneliness and essential rejection of all I am can be hard to live with and needs constant justification. As a source of stress it can take years off you. Still on the positive side it has given me the motivation needed to finish this bottle of Chateau paint-stripper in one sitting.

I raised my head from the pool of my own vomit long enough to take a phone call from dear Bisson last night. It was also the opportunity needed to find my cigarette, fuming as it still was in my cadaverous fingers of all places. Bisson wanted to tell me of a great dream he'd had and wished it be related here. As he has given me the kindness to relay my thoughts here while he hibernates, I am honoured to do so.

The dream concerns a fellow called Ian Duncan Smith. This dubious creature was sitting in an orange jumpsuit and appearing very badly beaten up, bruised and bleeding, as he sat in the dock in the Hague. He struggled to answer all the charges put before him in any effective way and was found guilty. Bisson said he woke up before he heard the sentence but that was no bad thing as it allowed his imagination to run riot with all the possible and terrible fates that could have befallen this malefactor. It will keep him entertained for weeks he said.

Ah farewell wine, you were unpleasant to drink but made great inroads into my time. The last number of hours are a mere blur. Yet I must stumble out and buy refreshment for the evening and long night ahead. Begin on a sparkling white and let the selections darken just as the night itself does. Until next time friends.



Pierre

For Those In Peril For The Next Five Years...

Rasp,

I've had it with this rain. I'm taking time off to my villa on the coast del pheasant plucking and I will leave this writing in the hands of my dear friend Pierre Dreyfuss, a French.

On my way to the gate number I was accosted by a traveller asking what, as a British, it was like to be ruled by a masturbating failed pay sergeant, a doped up pervert and a polished turd. Well, when have we not been ruled by such specimens of humanity I replied and I use the word 'specimen' in the purely medical sense.

I reasoned that if you defecate in a swimming pool, then your stool will soon surface. And so it is the case with David Cameron, our Prime Minister: shit always floats to the top.

And it is this vein of modern politics which has finally revealed the purpose of Westminster. You know that's where all the paedophiles are. A purpose built facility to contain all the perverts and child molesters. Pity you keep re-electing them isn't it? Oh well, your call.

Enjoy the world you have created, I'm off for a holiday in mine.

See ya!



Bisson

Hastag; The swastika of the trendy

Ehh...I despair muchly and then I get the news read by Catherine Morrison and all cares float away. They're replaced by rampant cognitive pornography but who's complaining and fuck knows what the news was about. Giggity.

Well the Norn Iron gay cakes row has reached one conclusion. I wasn't gonna say much but I do have questions...

Ok for a kick-off, Bert and Ernie, really? I don't know if they're hetrosexual, homosexual, bi-sexual...I don't think they're anything sexual. One, they're puppets! Two, it's a childrens TV programme for crying out loud, dreamt up the USA in the late 60s. Sexuality or sexual thought doesn't come into it. One of the benefits of being a kid is sex doesn't (or SHOULDN'T) trouble your life in any form until you're a teenager. Then the lonliness, misery, heartbreak and shit hits the fan not before and not necessarily in that order. I had just over ten peaceful years before having to deal with that crap, so stop sexualising everybody's childhood!!

Something else is what the bakers were doing. Well, as we know they accepted the order and a couple of days later cancelled it, either because of late second thoughts or to avoid a shouting match in the shop, whatever your take is on that.
They refused to bake the cake on the basis of their religious conscience, but what is that saying? When they get to Heaven they will be praised on an exemplary life but then the matter of the cake being baked to support gay marriage comes up? Is this really an ultimately human and egotistical move, being that exact and neurotic about your own salvation rather than bake a cake for some fella? Humans have used religion for ego purposes, don't be under any illusions there.

Then are they that devout and enveloped in their faith, taking a more in a more innocent perception here, it really cannot sit right with their conscience for them to accept such an order? If they are then you can only wish the best for them as they have a sense of peace that the rest of us can only dream of.

The answer to all these questions is...I don't know.

Except maybe, just maybe, this concern over cakes is like cartoons. Something to focus on with such microscopic examination to the exclusion and loss of the greater message religion is trying to teach us; How we can be at peace with ourselves and each other. Yep that one is utterly baffling to humans.

In the end...I'll be surprised if this stays posted but I am also glad to get some of these thoughts released or put down. Yeah maybe the latter, I'll get onto Dignitas then.



Bisson

Something's wrong...

I spent a good fifteen years of my life in a basement. Now I'm relegated to a tiny bedroom every night. I've gone very badly wrong somewhere...

Still not as bad as the UK anyway. Oxford dictionaries will provide a new definition of the term "fucked" which will be 'The UK in the years 2015 to 2020'. How? Why? How on Earth could such a state befall Britain, that gangrenous isle, that dried up piece of shit clinging to the pubic hair of planet Earth? Yes that Britain. Well what happened was the people in the south of England, you're going to love this, did a very silly thing. Well I'll tell you what they did. They re-elected the Tory party of "Dave" Cunteron to be the majority government of the country for the next five years. And no that is not a typo. Nor some horrible nightmare we have yet to awaken from. This is happening. We have the Tories ruling our lives for the next five, long years. Form an orderly queue at Beachy Head folks if you can afford to get there, beat the rush.

What, wait? Suicide is preferable to five more years of the Tories?! It's more humane certainly. Tories only have an electorate just to watch them die, very, very slowly. Ian Duncunt Smith will strip everybody of their welfare and pensions to pay off some rich guys who wasted their own money eight years ago and then videotape all those dying of exposure and starvation which he will then wank himself off to, cos, y'know, he's into that. Jeremy Cunt will charge people for being ill, a hundred pounds per cold please. How dare you get ill. Gorgeous George Oscunt will make every moment of your existence a horror show as he's good at that and so on...

Ok you get it! Life's going to be hell from here on in, that point was clearly made with some bludgeoned subtlety and yes it's all the fault of the south of England and yes the politicians are all liars and deviants who enjoy hurting you. You've heard the same freaking out rhetoric already here and elsewhere. Change the record to something new!

Well, I would argue there is still a fresh fear within these tired old rants. This isn't being a bad loser at the result. How could it be? I'm not wired that way plus most of the population didn't bother to vote and no viable alternative would ever be voted for. Milibot was not going to get in on a majority vote and it's way easier to scare those who do bother to vote into voting Tory with enough bullshit headines. The next thing is "Dave" has come out and said Britain is too tolerant and should interfere in people's lives more. Yes, that is what you have elected. The state suddenly re-exists but not in a Marxist sense, ooh no, that was about people not profit and people are useless when it comes to making real money. Prepare for the sound of your bones crushing under the wheels of state if you don't tow the line more.

Still Scotland has the SNP totally ruling the roost. Or move to the Republic of Ireland. They'll still fuck you over but do it in a charming and lyrical way. We're all doomed anyway so may as well have a bit of poetry to the demise...

Hang on, you say, the placement of the word 'cunt' in the names of leading Tories?! That's the best you can come up with?! Well I ain't got much but that I have and it's worth something as we live in the Age of the Puerile now folks.



Bisson

The Worst Joke Ever

Does the media create and encourage violence? Are we by exposure to it made violent?

If so we were a completely peaceful species before the 20th Century. How they managed the St Bartholomew's Day Massacre before the advent of television I don't know. The Thirty Years War, no video nasties then?! You're kidding!

Actually I think unfairness encourages violence and I present my argument thus in a conjectural scenario:

Seeing UKIP give fascism its biggest kiss of life since 1945, inspires (or gives the shits to) the British Conservative party to be even more unfair than they have been already. Freezing benefits, further austerity cuts, removing the right of complaint to the European courts. Now none of this is to make Britain better; none of what the Tories have done so far makes Britain better. They are just working to the next election all the time rather than make things better. You make those who sponsor the party happy, you get elected. And you will shit yourself rightly if they start funding UKIP, so time to turn on those who are not sponsoring you, which is most of the population of Britain. 

Austerity (when was the war?!) only serves the purpose of paying off the (non-existent in reality) debt and deficit and making sure capitalism remains untouched and totally free market. The (non-existent in reality) concept of the market must not suffer, but it's okay if lots of living and breathing beings do.Which is unfair.

So imagine this; The British population turn violent with this unfair situation and get hit-men (creating employment) to exact revenge.
Having already shot David Cameron through the throat to watch him die, a hit-man shoots Gorgeous George Osbourne in the leg (Ever heard of Durex in 1970 Mr and Mrs Osbourne? You heartless pair of cunts) . George is pulled into an NHS hospital. He insists he has the money to go private but the doctors claim it isn't safe. They then claim the bullet cannot be removed without death...a week after the shooting with the wound badly infected. So they claim the leg has to come off. They then claim they have no proper equipment due to NHS cuts and claim they will have to use a saw from B&Q with further claims there is no anaesthetic due to further NHS cuts. So the operation will take place with Osbourne awake and they're going to film it and post it on You Tube. Attempts to knock him out with a baseball bat are ineffective and gratuitous.

So you see exactly how unfairness begets violence! This violent situation could so easily happen and it's your fault Mr Cameron! You have caused your colleague all this suffering and your own death! How could you let the population be infected with such terror?

It won't happen of course, the population is too docile and well trained and they follow orders. They just turn the violence created by unfairness on themselves or vote UKIP. Adds up to being the same at the end of the day.

It makes no difference to them that our leaders do not have our best interests at heart and never did. A small example is marijuana being illegal; the main motivation behind this is because it was seen as a recreational drug of the Afro-Caribbean community and they didn't want white people trying it and causing miscegenation of the races. So there; it's illegal, not because they care about your health but because they are foaming racists. If they really worried about your health, alcohol and tobacco would have been proscribed long ago. They knew all about the dangers way back then. Scumfucks they may be; idiots they are not.



Bisson

Betcha Nessie voted 'Yes'.

Jings!

Hoots and nae messing! You stay locked in a coital embrace with England's cock up your arse, that's the sort of shit you gotta put up. Oh flower of Scotland, when will we see your like again?! Not this fucking year anyway! You had your chance to breakaway from this lonely life and ye dinnae take it. You are the ultimate 'reciever' in national history then?!

Well you can stop all your William Wallace nonsense now. Especially as he fought and DIED for Scottish independence. Not like you bunch of chicken-shits! Not to mention Andrew Moray...actually he never gets a mention despite his importance...he still fucking fought and died for Scottish independence though!!

Ach, to be fair many people wanted to get Scotland out of there, to continue on this line does them an injustice. They were willing to take a leap and...I'm just as disappointed as they are. So enough of this shit, Bisson!

Actually Bannockburn was probably the wrong anniversary to do it on. A celebration of "stuffing" the English in battle? A minor moment of bliss and a blip in the arrogant and presumptuous narrative written by the winners; the English. Civvie Bisson is half English and he still finds them to be dicks, so anyway.
 Now the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320...that would have been a much better anniversary. In fact if the SNP have a follow-up referendum that's a good un' to do it on.

Sure that declares that Scots seek independence for neither 'glory nor RICHES' but for freedom! See? You can stick all your economic fears up your arse then. Were they worried about that in the 14th Century? No!

Economics has been the downfall in the modern era of course. Scotland in 1707 was a country racked with the failure of a great enterprise in the Americas; the Darien Scheme in what would one day be Panama. Sure it would have evolved ethnic genocide and slavery as all these things in the western hemisphere did. Yet it was to take place in where they built the Panama Canal so there is a visionary element to it. However a lot of money was sunk in and the scheme totally fell to pieces. Plus it wasn't exactly flavour of the month with the English either so no help there or investors.

In 1707 England was more worried about the succession crisis; that the Scots might chose a different monarch to England and a Catholic one at that. There was a union of the crowns already (a long, boring story that I can't be arsed with). So Scotland had a choice; political union or economic siberia, in other words we block all trade with you and let you starve to death until you agree to a union. That was the democratic choice facing the peo...sorry the Scottish Parliament in 1707. It chose suicide over starvation and agreed to union.

And that's where our lovely Union comes from folks! Today and probably for the last 300 years beloved only by the politically constipated and the emotionally insecure. The politically constipated offered only misty-eyed words of a 'family of nations', which tended to make all who heard these words puke their lunch up not misty eyed. Urgh. Then they panicked, which briefly made them the politically flatulent and offered loads of new powers which all those who voted 'No' fell for hook, line and sinker. Never give a sucker an even break...or new powers either! Ever get the feeling you've been lied to? Ya fucking do now!

As for the emotionally unstable they came out with the SDL/Loyalists/C18 and made a stink; showed how violent and angry they get so quickly. Anger management? You want to see how easily these guys get angry; it's barely 20 seconds and they're foaming!

Was there vote rigging? Who knows and does it matter? Sure Bush got in the first time so why should it matter in Scotland and now? Did the over 55s vote on mass to stay so they're pensions would be protected? Their pensions are being stripped off them anyway by Westminster so I don't know why they bothered. Should have just stayed home and starved to death like the Tories want them to anyway. Bankers bonuses don't pay themselves you know...

Anyway, no point griping over the simple yes/no choice of 2014. It was way fucking better than the choice in 1707 for sure! So here's me ceasing to slag you and hoping you clear your heads for 2020...there is still hope which has more chance of existing in this universe than the concept of 'the economy' ever will outside the human mind!


Ps: The Queen purring is a disturbing fucking image, thanks "Dave". That alone should result in independence. He's good at fucking up is ol' "Dave" I must say; useless bastard at everything else but that's the elite for you.



Bisson

Scottish Independence

Well I never!

I promised myself  I was going to keep my particular hat out of this political ring. My ten cents were to remain in my pocket where as foreign currency they were useless anyway. Nope this was one for the regular pond life and I would just sit back and hope for the best.

But no joy and for one reason. After weeks of furious discussion I must congratulate the 'No' campaign in Scotland and Westminster for making me a 100 percent supporter of the 'Yes' vote. Go for it! VOTE FOR INDEPENDENCE NOW! Put as much distance between Scotland and these loonies as you can. Dig a canal on the border and float away, do it while you can!!

So something has gone BADLY wrong with the 'No' campaign to produce this reaction eh? Yes it has. I was an undecided guy, with a wistful love for the old Scottish nation before 1707 and all that. But if I was Scottish I would vote 'Yes' as much as possible and as many times as I could. Get the old trick of the dead out to vote just in the name of sanity!

Never in all my life have I heard such a suffocating tidal wave of negative thinking as I've heard from the 'No' campaign. I mean ok, voting 'no' is technically negative anyway but you know, you gotta have something worth voting 'no' for don't you? I've yet to hear it and there's only a few days left. They really will have to pull some cosmic rabbit out of a hat to impress me now. I mean aliens and inter-dimensional beings will need to prove their existence and get behind the 'No' vote now to change my mind...

The main problem is I've always found the concept of 'Union' to be a jaw-breaking yawn anyway. The most boring political invention of all time; no wonder they needed fear to get people behind it. That's the only excitement 'union' has ever produced. It was dull in 1707 and again in 1801 and just meant people ended up getting stuck at Westminster and nothing ever happens there. So you cannot appeal to me over the concept of 'union'. It is deeply miserable thing and is only of interest to historians and insomniacs. Better together? At what?! Sport? English xenophobia? Narcolepsy probably is the answer to what we do better together.

The warnings of what will happen if there's independence is the main bag of the 'No' campaign. Some really good negative vibes for them to send out there and they love being negative. Ok so, um NHS affected? Well it'll be out of the hands of the Tories so that's actually a blessing.

All the banks and businesses will go south? Oh dear that  is actually quite serious. All the useless morons who tend to cause financial meltdowns will leave Scotland, how will the nation cope?! Just be ready for the jolt as the country leaps up a couple of feet in sea level due to the sudden idiot depletion. And then resultant gaps are filled will new ideas and bright business minds who've been looking for a chance for years to break through the glass ceiling. Yes the more you bang on about business leaving the more you point out what a wasteland of capitalism we have put ourselves in. The slow death of us all through credit and debt goes on, it's just an independent Scotland will have a few less turds rising to the top than the rest of us. Jammy swine!

Back in 1707 Scotland went into union with the threat of financial ruin unless the parliament signed away the country's independence. In 2014 Scotland must vote no or face financial ruin...interesting how up to date the tactics are these days, ain't they? Wow is Westminster using 21st Century arguments or what?! They may even have an app for it. '#orelse' probably. The one difference this time is the people themselves are being asked what they think. In 1707 it was UK or lump it. In 2014 it is their opinion deciding and nobody in Edinburgh is getting a bribe to vote the right way...well, I think so...

I'm going to be the last person to tell people how to vote but I can't vote and I wouldn't want to unless I was Scottish and in Scotland. Ancestry gets you a kilt but not a vote. I would vote Yes if I could so that's my invalid vote and possibly opinion anyway.



Bisson

From Outta The Blizzard

Wotcher! A groovy New Year and all that.

Bah! I'm back in Belfast, humbug! It isn't what you do, it's who you know on the costa del crime and my welcome mat is worn through to the arse.

May as well get this ribald merry-go-round going again as there's nowt else. Either that or a job and a flat...eurgh...

Actually I've discovered that jobs and flats are tres good for getting the ladies. This rooftop garret and mere payless effusion of ideas just don't cut it.We're talking guaranteed pussy here outside of prostitution of course, otherwise you fuck it when you get it. Beautiful bodies and ugly minds eh? Same old story. We never were much as a species were we? The putridness of my mind I chose to put to creative effort though, while you guys choose to putrify the world. Each to their own and that.

I was amazed that job et flat still counted. The scar tissue on my heart and mind from when that last happened is of some age I tell you. Its true that if you do have a job and a flat then guaranteed pussy takes no effort whatsoever. This is why the porridge men are indeed the wisest fools. Jammy bastards when you think about it; they don't care if they're stuck in a shitty job, they sit around doing nothing without a pang of guilt and pussy-spunking every couple of years is the most they have to rouse themselves to. All my insults towards them is mere farting in the wind; wisest fools I tell you! They don't have to lift a finger and the women are buzzing around them. Never mind the alpha male, the mindless couch potato he turns into with age is the greater threat.

See if you're the sort of person who stops to consider things, you're doomed to a lonely and frustrated existence and to play the fool takes so much fucking effort. Frank Zappa gave the right advice but being mindless takes time and practice with no guarantees. You'll have to REALLY want to tap that particular pussy. Even reeling them in for a one-time deal takes effort and energy.
I know, I know what a futile practice it is, what a complete and utter waste of time and life!! You can't fight biology however; urge to couple mainly comes back again and again...to kick the shit out of you.

You may be saying auld Bisson's heart is quite black and indeed it is. Remember the most important fact is, it was shaded that way for me over a long period of time. Not by choice folks, I assure ye!
Anyway, job and flat...Pfff! Fold it carefully and stick that opinion back up your arse where it came from.

It is lovely to be back to the old grind sometimes. How nice to hurl the abuse of the human race back at it. You inspire me greatly, you lovely hoard of insensitive dickheads. See you around the u-bend again!



Bisson

Friends, Romans, Berks

They say it never blows a gale on the costa, but I know otherwise...

Here! This is a notion and suggesting it pisses off the TUV so that's double the reason to throw it out there.
Just to infuriate your average hog wanker, to solve all this bullshit in the Norn of Iron, instead they set up a United Ireland. Purely because it hasen't been done before.

Now, before y'all run to your loudspeakers to bitch, read your history. Everybody goes on about that non-existent shit all the time so why not fucking read it for once!
Ireland was never a single political unit in neolithic, celtic or gaelic christian times. Even when the Norman angles came in, it was still a patchwork of kingdoms, each trying to rule the other. Politcal union only really occured in times of war, viking invasions and that and even then wasn't quite the real deal.

Ireland was effectively united when English and later British kings/queens stopped ruling their countries and instead resorted to jerking off while staring into the mirror. That's when they got shifted of surplus Prods, all the born again pains in the arse who later went on to such great things in Norn Iron and Alabama with all those similar clubs and societies of theirs; the LOL and the KKK and etc.
Ireland united under British rule doesn't count. The Republic becomes independant, but six counties stay and you know the rest of the bollocks.

We've tried everything else; direct rule, local assembly. Nothing works, so go for a united Ireland. If it's 'The Answer' (copyright, tm, patent pending) as all nationalists have believed all these years then the sun will shine and we will be the only people on earth where everything is great and all that. If it fucks up then, well, at least we tried and in any case we'll still be pretty much in the same pile of shit we've always been in. Weird eh? Fleg or no fleg, we're still in the shite. I'm starting to think a bit of cloth has no bearing on reality here...

Speaking of Alabamy, if you're home from a hard day masturbating pigs and your better half and two quarters wants to watch a film, here's a chance to get the moral high ground. Well, not all boar wankers can claim the high ground. I can think of one exception/exclusion, but he's a right cunt, so it doesn't matter
(That shot was for you Junax).

Anyway, here's guessing what she will want to watch: Gone With The Wind. Never has such a jaw-breaking bore been committed to celluloid. There are other God-awful, boring films, true. But this one is four loooong hours! You could have had a good sleep in that time, never mind wasting it watching such a dopey movie. 
Plus if you say you don't want to watch it, she may pull some weapons out of the guilt arsenal. For example:

'But I really like this film'
'I wanted to watch it with you'
'This means so much to me'
'I want to watch this romantic film as a couple'
'Do my feelings not matter to you?'
And so on and so on, ad infinitum.

Sounds familiar. It's weird, you can't take classes in emotional blackmail, you just have a knack for it. Plus if it worked on your dad, then it'll work on any bloke. So you can't fight lightning, but here's what you can do, with a greater awareness of this film that first imagined. When your lady friend suggests watching it, then you say something along the lines of:

'Gee darling, I would love to watch this film, but its a four hour celebration of white supremacy and slavery'

It is! The title is 'Gone with the wind', mourning the loss of the rich, slave-owing society of the pre-civil war south. And all the African Americans in that film. They are slaves! Where are the whip scars on their backs? Where are the scenes of them doing back-breaking labour for 12 hours to make their masters rich? Where are the scenes of when their children were sold as slaves to make more money. They aren't in the film. But it's happening, all the time. In the background. What sort of horrible shit is your girlfriend expecting you to watch here?!

The characters. All the white women are self-absorbed pains in the ass who have to take siestas in the afternoon when the weather gets a bit hot. Aww! Er, have you looked out in the fucking plantation fields recently?! You wanna talk about suffering? All they think about is Ashley bleeding Wilkes. How do you think he got to be so rich? Rhett Butler looks like he hasn't done a days work in his life. He disapproves of slavery? Oh well, that's ok then, that's that problem solved! If you're cheering when the Union troops burn Atlanta, you know you're watching the wrong film for you.
Four hours of KKK propaganda? Not tonight darling, sorry. How did you get into this shit anyway? Now I think of it, how much your mum loves white bedsheets.

To avoid tilting at the windmills of Godwin's Law here, we shall conclude. Remember to stick by your pool and just chill out.



Bisson

Implicit In The Charitable Bad Karma

Ah now.

It's an outcast's life for me, more by choice. Plus I get the jacuzzi thrown in.
As I recline here on the loophole between crime and legality, in the fresh sunshine of costa wherever, I admit my only crime is laziness more than anything else.

I used to proudly use this page as my own personal garbage dump; leaving all the shit here and having a jolly time with the rest of my day. It was great! But then they had recycling, you gotta separate the crap from the turds and that and not put them into landfill, etc. Plus coming up with mean-spirited spite just wasn't part of my day anymore. It took effort, ya know? Who's got time for that when you can sit in a swimming pool for hours on end in costa del when they catch you? Not me, I'm happy lazy!! I taught Kate Nash all she knows about lyrics. On purpose too! Hehe, told you I was a bastard.

But I'm sitting here thinking there must be some dollops of hate you can still occasionally hurl at the world, you know just so I can keep my hand in, prove I'm still a pro and for a laff anyway. Well I went through all the papers and found a letter from once poster here, Junax.

Junax and the hairdresser; what a load of boring whining that was! Still bangs on about it that's why posting privileges were withdrawn from that numbnuts. However, I was amused to read in his latest missive that the hairdresser is still with David Drabs (that's the name I think), who is soft of like an anus-chinned pig breeder who votes TUV. Pairing with him is a foul union which now condemns rest of her life to a living purgatory, and she has become the size of a boar to boot! What was all that gubbage about being on a diet?! You may well ask Junax my boy. I think "bollocks" is the correct term to describe it though "bullshit" works just as well.

As much as the fate of these meaningless sods moved me to hilarity (as did Junax's moping over it), I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to educate y'all on a few rules of love and throw a bit of hateful shit around at the same time. You guys are all giving out bad vibes for the yankee festival of Halloween so why not? It's no worse than all the negative stuff you're celebrating! Are sitting with discomfort? Then we'll begin...


RULE WAN:
Girls are just as inconsistent as men are! They say one thing and renage on it the next. Pay it no serious heed. If you are in a relationship with a girl just listen politely and go along with the about face when it comes. It's horseshit anyway so don't give it any of your serious attention, save that for paying the bills. It's also horseshit when they bitch about you being inconsistent. Don't let it get to you, it takes one to know one...


RULE TRUE:
Women are beautiful. It's true! Even Bisson has lost himself to doe-eyed dribbling, imagined himself in love. However, beautiful minds and personalities are a bit thin on the ground in lady-land...This is nothing to do with intelligence BTW!! Women are smarter and more capable than men. Look at all the dumb shit men have done over the centuries for goodness sake and women always have to put things right after. No, we are talking about BEAUTY not INTELLIGENCE!! A beautiful mind is existent where someone shares and understands the many things that you find beautiful in this life and the love of a personality that comforts you
to your soul.

Contrary to what we are fed from year dot, getting a good match in mind and personality is impossible in this life. That is to say non-existent. Therefore as a man you embue a woman you are attracted to with qualities and charm she never had in the first place. This only makes the plummet more painful. The real person betrays the ideal created and that hurts. For example, Junax as a painter is done over by the hairdresser for a pig breeder. Painting takes talent, that is unique; pig breeding takes education and physically wanking off pigs. That can be learnt or in this case, a hobby. Why would you want an artificial creation of over the genuine article?

It's simple. Junax gave the hairdresser qualities she never had as he quite fancied her. Painting is of no interest to her. She's been styling pigs from word go. Junax created a faux hairdresser, took a liking to her and then was betrayed when the real personality came through. This is why second dates are such a major fuck-up. To be fair to women though, they have been fantasising princes out of frogs a lot longer than we have, hence the much older tradition of "men, they're all bastards." As the disappointed, we are relative newcomers.


RULE TREE:
Consider the frog. Many women do indeed. They see that little green fart sitting there day after day going "ribbit" and they see the consistency that has so far eluded them. This is why women end up with the male equivalent of a dollop of tapioca sitting on the sofa. He has nothing of interest about him; he is as boring and as unexceptionable as the universe is old. But and it's a massive but, which he has also, he is dependable! He will always be sitting there, watching the football in a small cloud of steam. He lacks the imagination to be anything but boring and predictable. Just the kind of stable guy you can have your children with.

Even 50 Shades of Grey settles down?! HAHAHAHA! As if! That's the biggest work of fiction in that whole book right there! A billionare with butt-plug fixations becoming reliable?! Dream on ladies! Let's say that pussy-whipped (in a figurative sense now) he may become but he always has one eye on that little escape route for the day. That's the best you can ever hope for and even achieveing that will put years on you...and the pounds.

The tapioca men are nothing like that. They're dull! They're boring! They're perfect to raise the kids and that is the truth about love. Girls! Get yourself a boring arse today! If the hairdresser can do it, you too can live the dream. Now true, this will make self-maintenance redundant; I mean, who are you ever going to impress? You will put weight on with the boredom and the constant pregnancies, unless you start an affair. But that's a small price to pay for a consistent husband and a good father. This is why all women end up with boring fuckwit men no matter what. Fact. Of. Life.


Ah yes, always good to tune in the uninitiated. If only Junax would get it, poor deluded romantic sod, ah well. It's true though; the alpha-males get to be presentable after a lot of work and even then they're always looking for a way out. Artists? Pah! Just end up on their own. Picasso was only able to dick around the way he did because he was successful; most end up in their isolated little garret, staring at that unfinished canvas, lonely as fuck but don't have the money to buy the pills or the noose. The tapioca, boring man will be laughing all the way to the bank from day one. He's ready to find love. Well, he won't be laughing that's too exciting and love is a bit too interesting for him. Emotions aren't his thing, maybe watching football. But he will be there, consistent and reliable just sitting on the sofa; the shit stain you can never scrub away.

So what of Bisson in all this? Well, love is a foreign country and children are terrorists from that land, seeking to impose dictatorship. I reckon I'll just say single and child-free and try and make myself happy rather than relying on somebody else to do it for me. There's a notion! Wow, it could work! Us artists eh? Always with the wacky ideas. Enjoy your negative vibe fest this week, not my thing really.

Back to the swimming pool.



Bisson

Yet another portrait of you!

Yawwwwwwwwn...

It's such a difficult living in a villa with it's own pool, jacuzzi and private beach for three months, but, fuck it.

I find myself stirred in the last couple of days teaching my poor, weepy friend, Kelly Brook, what assholes rugby players actually are. It's like politicians, it takes a special type of shit to devote themselves so entirely to a profession. Actually all hunks are shits, Kelly my dear, avoid them like the plague as you will never be happy with them. Why not try a half-mad poet instead? I know a bloke who is right up your street. No looker but the guy has some talent.

You see wisdom is something that I impart but may not practice, but impartiality is a good thing.

I am fed up to read in 'El Fartknocker', the discerning periodical, that protests are back in Norn Iron. Wha?! Come on guys, you've been down this boring road a thousand times. I told you, Northern Ireland is not Hawaii! There is no sun, beautiful seas or lovely people. Stop wasting your fucking lives over somewhere that exists just to stop the cowpats from getting wet. Ninety miles of dry cowpats is a good thing but not something to waste your life protesting over. I know tons of better things to do.

What is it this time anyway. So a band can walk back up a road eh? Sheeit whatever helps you sleep at night. A lack of enthusiasm for muff-diving is more upsetting, for example. Having said that loyalist protests are probably not a great place to pick up girls. Trying to get the conversation to change from 'No surrender' to 'you wanna come back to mine?' sounds a challenge in itself.

I think I saw the fleg once and did not get what the fuss was about. I thought that looks like a bit of cloth on a pole, will that create jobs and reignite the economy? No...yet to hear of bits of cloth that bring jobs back to the country. Investors tend to be into something else, like maybe a place where the people aren't violent nutcases is where they dig putting their money. Cos non-violent nutcases are very good at making more money plus the original investment. So it doesn't make money this fleg, you can't eat it and it looks rubbish at keeping you warm so what's all the fucking shitstorm about?!

Get annoyed about something that matters like you can only get blowjobs on designated days of the year. That would REALLY fuck me off, never mind all this fleg shit. Your right to suck the nipples of a large pair of tits has been re-routed to someone else...FUCK YOU!! I'm gonna get violent over that. Y'know perspective folks remember that? Can't march back the way you came on a lovely summers day? Shit wan. I am bereft...have to do all the ten million things I wanted to do instead like bring sexual pleasure to women and such.

Fuck it, you've been at it 300 years. Whatever floats your boat and helps you sleep at night, go for it. Just don't interrupt my liberties doing it. Of course, NOT being in Northern Ireland helps a great deal in doing that!

Now Kelly, poets, I tell you, you'll never look back. Hunks will be yesterdays chip papers and at last you will know satisfaction...



Bisson