Ah now.
It's an outcast's life for me, more by choice. Plus I get the jacuzzi thrown in.
As I recline here on the loophole between crime and legality, in the fresh sunshine of costa wherever, I admit my only crime is laziness more than anything else.
I used to proudly use this page as my own personal garbage dump; leaving all the shit here and having a jolly time with the rest of my day. It was great! But then they had recycling, you gotta separate the crap from the turds and that and not put them into landfill, etc. Plus coming up with mean-spirited spite just wasn't part of my day anymore. It took effort, ya know? Who's got time for that when you can sit in a swimming pool for hours on end in costa del when they catch you? Not me, I'm happy lazy!! I taught Kate Nash all she knows about lyrics. On purpose too! Hehe, told you I was a bastard.
But I'm sitting here thinking there must be some dollops of hate you can still occasionally hurl at the world, you know just so I can keep my hand in, prove I'm still a pro and for a laff anyway. Well I went through all the papers and found a letter from once poster here, Junax.
Junax and the hairdresser; what a load of boring whining that was! Still bangs on about it that's why posting privileges were withdrawn from that numbnuts. However, I was amused to read in his latest missive that the hairdresser is still with David Drabs (that's the name I think), who is soft of like an anus-chinned pig breeder who votes TUV. Pairing with him is a foul union which now condemns rest of her life to a living purgatory, and she has become the size of a boar to boot! What was all that gubbage about being on a diet?! You may well ask Junax my boy. I think "bollocks" is the correct term to describe it though "bullshit" works just as well.
As much as the fate of these meaningless sods moved me to hilarity (as did Junax's moping over it), I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to educate y'all on a few rules of love and throw a bit of hateful shit around at the same time. You guys are all giving out bad vibes for the yankee festival of Halloween so why not? It's no worse than all the negative stuff you're celebrating! Are sitting with discomfort? Then we'll begin...
RULE WAN:
Girls are just as inconsistent as men are! They say one thing and renage on it the next. Pay it no serious heed. If you are in a relationship with a girl just listen politely and go along with the about face when it comes. It's horseshit anyway so don't give it any of your serious attention, save that for paying the bills. It's also horseshit when they bitch about you being inconsistent. Don't let it get to you, it takes one to know one...
RULE TRUE:
Women are beautiful. It's true! Even Bisson has lost himself to doe-eyed dribbling, imagined himself in love. However, beautiful minds and personalities are a bit thin on the ground in lady-land...This is nothing to do with intelligence BTW!! Women are smarter and more capable than men. Look at all the dumb shit men have done over the centuries for goodness sake and women always have to put things right after. No, we are talking about BEAUTY not INTELLIGENCE!! A beautiful mind is existent where someone shares and understands the many things that you find beautiful in this life and the love of a personality that comforts you
to your soul.
Contrary to what we are fed from year dot, getting a good match in mind and personality is impossible in this life. That is to say non-existent. Therefore as a man you embue a woman you are attracted to with qualities and charm she never had in the first place. This only makes the plummet more painful. The real person betrays the ideal created and that hurts. For example, Junax as a painter is done over by the hairdresser for a pig breeder. Painting takes talent, that is unique; pig breeding takes education and physically wanking off pigs. That can be learnt or in this case, a hobby. Why would you want an artificial creation of over the genuine article?
It's simple. Junax gave the hairdresser qualities she never had as he quite fancied her. Painting is of no interest to her. She's been styling pigs from word go. Junax created a faux hairdresser, took a liking to her and then was betrayed when the real personality came through. This is why second dates are such a major fuck-up. To be fair to women though, they have been fantasising princes out of frogs a lot longer than we have, hence the much older tradition of "men, they're all bastards." As the disappointed, we are relative newcomers.
RULE TREE:
Consider the frog. Many women do indeed. They see that little green fart sitting there day after day going "ribbit" and they see the consistency that has so far eluded them. This is why women end up with the male equivalent of a dollop of tapioca sitting on the sofa. He has nothing of interest about him; he is as boring and as unexceptionable as the universe is old. But and it's a massive but, which he has also, he is dependable! He will always be sitting there, watching the football in a small cloud of steam. He lacks the imagination to be anything but boring and predictable. Just the kind of stable guy you can have your children with.
Even 50 Shades of Grey settles down?! HAHAHAHA! As if! That's the biggest work of fiction in that whole book right there! A billionare with butt-plug fixations becoming reliable?! Dream on ladies! Let's say that pussy-whipped (in a figurative sense now) he may become but he always has one eye on that little escape route for the day. That's the best you can ever hope for and even achieveing that will put years on you...and the pounds.
The tapioca men are nothing like that. They're dull! They're boring! They're perfect to raise the kids and that is the truth about love. Girls! Get yourself a boring arse today! If the hairdresser can do it, you too can live the dream. Now true, this will make self-maintenance redundant; I mean, who are you ever going to impress? You will put weight on with the boredom and the constant pregnancies, unless you start an affair. But that's a small price to pay for a consistent husband and a good father. This is why all women end up with boring fuckwit men no matter what. Fact. Of. Life.
Ah yes, always good to tune in the uninitiated. If only Junax would get it, poor deluded romantic sod, ah well. It's true though; the alpha-males get to be presentable after a lot of work and even then they're always looking for a way out. Artists? Pah! Just end up on their own. Picasso was only able to dick around the way he did because he was successful; most end up in their isolated little garret, staring at that unfinished canvas, lonely as fuck but don't have the money to buy the pills or the noose. The tapioca, boring man will be laughing all the way to the bank from day one. He's ready to find love. Well, he won't be laughing that's too exciting and love is a bit too interesting for him. Emotions aren't his thing, maybe watching football. But he will be there, consistent and reliable just sitting on the sofa; the shit stain you can never scrub away.
So what of Bisson in all this? Well, love is a foreign country and children are terrorists from that land, seeking to impose dictatorship. I reckon I'll just say single and child-free and try and make myself happy rather than relying on somebody else to do it for me. There's a notion! Wow, it could work! Us artists eh? Always with the wacky ideas. Enjoy your negative vibe fest this week, not my thing really.
Back to the swimming pool.
Bisson
