Saturday, 4 October 2014

The Worst Joke Ever

Does the media create and encourage violence? Are we by exposure to it made violent?

If so we were a completely peaceful species before the 20th Century. How they managed the St Bartholomew's Day Massacre before the advent of television I don't know. The Thirty Years War, no video nasties then?! You're kidding!

Actually I think unfairness encourages violence and I present my argument thus in a conjectural scenario:

Seeing UKIP give fascism its biggest kiss of life since 1945, inspires (or gives the shits to) the British Conservative party to be even more unfair than they have been already. Freezing benefits, further austerity cuts, removing the right of complaint to the European courts. Now none of this is to make Britain better; none of what the Tories have done so far makes Britain better. They are just working to the next election all the time rather than make things better. You make those who sponsor the party happy, you get elected. And you will shit yourself rightly if they start funding UKIP, so time to turn on those who are not sponsoring you, which is most of the population of Britain. 

Austerity (when was the war?!) only serves the purpose of paying off the (non-existent in reality) debt and deficit and making sure capitalism remains untouched and totally free market. The (non-existent in reality) concept of the market must not suffer, but it's okay if lots of living and breathing beings do.Which is unfair.

So imagine this; The British population turn violent with this unfair situation and get hit-men (creating employment) to exact revenge.
Having already shot David Cameron through the throat to watch him die, a hit-man shoots Gorgeous George Osbourne in the leg (Ever heard of Durex in 1970 Mr and Mrs Osbourne? You heartless pair of cunts) . George is pulled into an NHS hospital. He insists he has the money to go private but the doctors claim it isn't safe. They then claim the bullet cannot be removed without death...a week after the shooting with the wound badly infected. So they claim the leg has to come off. They then claim they have no proper equipment due to NHS cuts and claim they will have to use a saw from B&Q with further claims there is no anaesthetic due to further NHS cuts. So the operation will take place with Osbourne awake and they're going to film it and post it on You Tube. Attempts to knock him out with a baseball bat are ineffective and gratuitous.

So you see exactly how unfairness begets violence! This violent situation could so easily happen and it's your fault Mr Cameron! You have caused your colleague all this suffering and your own death! How could you let the population be infected with such terror?

It won't happen of course, the population is too docile and well trained and they follow orders. They just turn the violence created by unfairness on themselves or vote UKIP. Adds up to being the same at the end of the day.

It makes no difference to them that our leaders do not have our best interests at heart and never did. A small example is marijuana being illegal; the main motivation behind this is because it was seen as a recreational drug of the Afro-Caribbean community and they didn't want white people trying it and causing miscegenation of the races. So there; it's illegal, not because they care about your health but because they are foaming racists. If they really worried about your health, alcohol and tobacco would have been proscribed long ago. They knew all about the dangers way back then. Scumfucks they may be; idiots they are not.


Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Betcha Nessie voted 'Yes'.


Hoots and nae messing! You stay locked in a coital embrace with England's cock up your arse, that's the sort of shit you gotta put up. Oh flower of Scotland, when will we see your like again?! Not this fucking year anyway! You had your chance to breakaway from this lonely life and ye dinnae take it. You are the ultimate 'reciever' in national history then?!

Well you can stop all your William Wallace nonsense now. Especially as he fought and DIED for Scottish independence. Not like you bunch of chicken-shits! Not to mention Andrew Moray...actually he never gets a mention despite his importance...he still fucking fought and died for Scottish independence though!!

Ach, to be fair many people wanted to get Scotland out of there, to continue on this line does them an injustice. They were willing to take a leap and...I'm just as disappointed as they are. So enough of this shit, Bisson!

Actually Bannockburn was probably the wrong anniversary to do it on. A celebration of "stuffing" the English in battle? A minor moment of bliss and a blip in the arrogant and presumptuous narrative written by the winners; the English. Civvie Bisson is half English and he still finds them to be dicks, so anyway.
 Now the Declaration of Arbroath in 1320...that would have been a much better anniversary. In fact if the SNP have a follow-up referendum that's a good un' to do it on.

Sure that declares that Scots seek independence for neither 'glory nor RICHES' but for freedom! See? You can stick all your economic fears up your arse then. Were they worried about that in the 14th Century? No!

Economics has been the downfall in the modern era of course. Scotland in 1707 was a country racked with the failure of a great enterprise in the Americas; the Darien Scheme in what would one day be Panama. Sure it would have evolved ethnic genocide and slavery as all these things in the western hemisphere did. Yet it was to take place in where they built the Panama Canal so there is a visionary element to it. However a lot of money was sunk in and the scheme totally fell to pieces. Plus it wasn't exactly flavour of the month with the English either so no help there or investors.

In 1707 England was more worried about the succession crisis; that the Scots might chose a different monarch to England and a Catholic one at that. There was a union of the crowns already (a long, boring story that I can't be arsed with). So Scotland had a choice; political union or economic siberia, in other words we block all trade with you and let you starve to death until you agree to a union. That was the democratic choice facing the peo...sorry the Scottish Parliament in 1707. It chose suicide over starvation and agreed to union.

And that's where our lovely Union comes from folks! Today and probably for the last 300 years beloved only by the politically constipated and the emotionally insecure. The politically constipated offered only misty-eyed words of a 'family of nations', which tended to make all who heard these words puke their lunch up not misty eyed. Urgh. Then they panicked, which briefly made them the politically flatulent and offered loads of new powers which all those who voted 'No' fell for hook, line and sinker. Never give a sucker an even break...or new powers either! Ever get the feeling you've been lied to? Ya fucking do now!

As for the emotionally unstable they came out with the SDL/Loyalists/C18 and made a stink; showed how violent and angry they get so quickly. Anger management? You want to see how easily these guys get angry; it's barely 20 seconds and they're foaming!

Was there vote rigging? Who knows and does it matter? Sure Bush got in the first time so why should it matter in Scotland and now? Did the over 55s vote on mass to stay so they're pensions would be protected? Their pensions are being stripped off them anyway by Westminster so I don't know why they bothered. Should have just stayed home and starved to death like the Tories want them to anyway. Bankers bonuses don't pay themselves you know...

Anyway, no point griping over the simple yes/no choice of 2014. It was way fucking better than the choice in 1707 for sure! So here's me ceasing to slag you and hoping you clear your heads for 2020...there is still hope which has more chance of existing in this universe than the concept of 'the economy' ever will outside the human mind!

Ps: The Queen purring is a disturbing fucking image, thanks "Dave". That alone should result in independence. He's good at fucking up is ol' "Dave" I must say; useless bastard at everything else but that's the elite for you.


Monday, 15 September 2014

Scottish Independence

Well I never!

I promised myself  I was going to keep my particular hat out of this political ring. My ten cents were to remain in my pocket where as foreign currency they were useless anyway. Nope this was one for the regular pond life and I would just sit back and hope for the best.

But no joy and for one reason. After weeks of furious discussion I must congratulate the 'No' campaign in Scotland and Westminster for making me a 100 percent supporter of the 'Yes' vote. Go for it! VOTE FOR INDEPENDENCE NOW! Put as much distance between Scotland and these loonies as you can. Dig a canal on the border and float away, do it while you can!!

So something has gone BADLY wrong with the 'No' campaign to produce this reaction eh? Yes it has. I was an undecided guy, with a wistful love for the old Scottish nation before 1707 and all that. But if I was Scottish I would vote 'Yes' as much as possible and as many times as I could. Get the old trick of the dead out to vote just in the name of sanity!

Never in all my life have I heard such a suffocating tidal wave of negative thinking as I've heard from the 'No' campaign. I mean ok, voting 'no' is technically negative anyway but you know, you gotta have something worth voting 'no' for don't you? I've yet to hear it and there's only a few days left. They really will have to pull some cosmic rabbit out of a hat to impress me now. I mean aliens and inter-dimensional beings will need to prove their existence and get behind the 'No' vote now to change my mind...

The main problem is I've always found the concept of 'Union' to be a jaw-breaking yawn anyway. The most boring political invention of all time; no wonder they needed fear to get people behind it. That's the only excitement 'union' has ever produced. It was dull in 1707 and again in 1801 and just meant people ended up getting stuck at Westminster and nothing ever happens there. So you cannot appeal to me over the concept of 'union'. It is deeply miserable thing and is only of interest to historians and insomniacs. Better together? At what?! Sport? English xenophobia? Narcolepsy probably is the answer to what we do better together.

The warnings of what will happen if there's independence is the main bag of the 'No' campaign. Some really good negative vibes for them to send out there and they love being negative. Ok so, um NHS affected? Well it'll be out of the hands of the Tories so that's actually a blessing.

All the banks and businesses will go south? Oh dear that  is actually quite serious. All the useless morons who tend to cause financial meltdowns will leave Scotland, how will the nation cope?! Just be ready for the jolt as the country leaps up a couple of feet in sea level due to the sudden idiot depletion. And then resultant gaps are filled will new ideas and bright business minds who've been looking for a chance for years to break through the glass ceiling. Yes the more you bang on about business leaving the more you point out what a wasteland of capitalism we have put ourselves in. The slow death of us all through credit and debt goes on, it's just an independent Scotland will have a few less turds rising to the top than the rest of us. Jammy swine!

Back in 1707 Scotland went into union with the threat of financial ruin unless the parliament signed away the country's independence. In 2014 Scotland must vote no or face financial ruin...interesting how up to date the tactics are these days, ain't they? Wow is Westminster using 21st Century arguments or what?! They may even have an app for it. '#orelse' probably. The one difference this time is the people themselves are being asked what they think. In 1707 it was UK or lump it. In 2014 it is their opinion deciding and nobody in Edinburgh is getting a bribe to vote the right way...well, I think so...

I'm going to be the last person to tell people how to vote but I can't vote and I wouldn't want to unless I was Scottish and in Scotland. Ancestry gets you a kilt but not a vote. I would vote Yes if I could so that's my invalid vote and possibly opinion anyway.


Wednesday, 15 January 2014

From Outta The Blizzard

Wotcher! A groovy New Year and all that.

Bah! I'm back in Belfast, humbug! It isn't what you do, it's who you know on the costa del crime and my welcome mat is worn through to the arse.

May as well get this ribald merry-go-round going again as there's nowt else. Either that or a job and a flat...eurgh...

Actually I've discovered that jobs and flats are tres good for getting the ladies. This rooftop garret and mere payless effusion of ideas just don't cut it.We're talking guaranteed pussy here outside of prostitution of course, otherwise you fuck it when you get it. Beautiful bodies and ugly minds eh? Same old story. We never were much as a species were we? The putridness of my mind I chose to put to creative effort though, while you guys choose to putrify the world. Each to their own and that.

I was amazed that job et flat still counted. The scar tissue on my heart and mind from when that last happened is of some age I tell you. Its true that if you do have a job and a flat then guaranteed pussy takes no effort whatsoever. This is why the porridge men are indeed the wisest fools. Jammy bastards when you think about it; they don't care if they're stuck in a shitty job, they sit around doing nothing without a pang of guilt and pussy-spunking every couple of years is the most they have to rouse themselves to. All my insults towards them is mere farting in the wind; wisest fools I tell you! They don't have to lift a finger and the women are buzzing around them. Never mind the alpha male, the mindless couch potato he turns into with age is the greater threat.

See if you're the sort of person who stops to consider things, you're doomed to a lonely and frustrated existence and to play the fool takes so much fucking effort. Frank Zappa gave the right advice but being mindless takes time and practice with no guarantees. You'll have to REALLY want to tap that particular pussy. Even reeling them in for a one-time deal takes effort and energy.
I know, I know what a futile practice it is, what a complete and utter waste of time and life!! You can't fight biology however; urge to couple mainly comes back again and kick the shit out of you.

You may be saying auld Bisson's heart is quite black and indeed it is. Remember the most important fact is, it was shaded that way for me over a long period of time. Not by choice folks, I assure ye!
Anyway, job and flat...Pfff! Fold it carefully and stick that opinion back up your arse where it came from.

It is lovely to be back to the old grind sometimes. How nice to hurl the abuse of the human race back at it. You inspire me greatly, you lovely hoard of insensitive dickheads. See you around the u-bend again!