Tuesday, 5 November 2013

Friends, Romans, Berks

They say it never blows a gale on the costa, but I know otherwise...

Here! This is a notion and suggesting it pisses off the TUV so that's double the reason to throw it out there.
Just to infuriate your average hog wanker, to solve all this bullshit in the Norn of Iron, instead they set up a United Ireland. Purely because it hasen't been done before.

Now, before y'all run to your loudspeakers to bitch, read your history. Everybody goes on about that non-existent shit all the time so why not fucking read it for once!
Ireland was never a single political unit in neolithic, celtic or gaelic christian times. Even when the Norman angles came in, it was still a patchwork of kingdoms, each trying to rule the other. Politcal union only really occured in times of war, viking invasions and that and even then wasn't quite the real deal.

Ireland was effectively united when English and later British kings/queens stopped ruling their countries and instead resorted to jerking off while staring into the mirror. That's when they got shifted of surplus Prods, all the born again pains in the arse who later went on to such great things in Norn Iron and Alabama with all those similar clubs and societies of theirs; the LOL and the KKK and etc.
Ireland united under British rule doesn't count. The Republic becomes independant, but six counties stay and you know the rest of the bollocks.

We've tried everything else; direct rule, local assembly. Nothing works, so go for a united Ireland. If it's 'The Answer' (copyright, tm, patent pending) as all nationalists have believed all these years then the sun will shine and we will be the only people on earth where everything is great and all that. If it fucks up then, well, at least we tried and in any case we'll still be pretty much in the same pile of shit we've always been in. Weird eh? Fleg or no fleg, we're still in the shite. I'm starting to think a bit of cloth has no bearing on reality here...

Speaking of Alabamy, if you're home from a hard day masturbating pigs and your better half and two quarters wants to watch a film, here's a chance to get the moral high ground. Well, not all boar wankers can claim the high ground. I can think of one exception/exclusion, but he's a right cunt, so it doesn't matter
(That shot was for you Junax).

Anyway, here's guessing what she will want to watch: Gone With The Wind. Never has such a jaw-breaking bore been committed to celluloid. There are other God-awful, boring films, true. But this one is four loooong hours! You could have had a good sleep in that time, never mind wasting it watching such a dopey movie. 
Plus if you say you don't want to watch it, she may pull some weapons out of the guilt arsenal. For example:

'But I really like this film'
'I wanted to watch it with you'
'This means so much to me'
'I want to watch this romantic film as a couple'
'Do my feelings not matter to you?'
And so on and so on, ad infinitum.

Sounds familiar. It's weird, you can't take classes in emotional blackmail, you just have a knack for it. Plus if it worked on your dad, then it'll work on any bloke. So you can't fight lightning, but here's what you can do, with a greater awareness of this film that first imagined. When your lady friend suggests watching it, then you say something along the lines of:

'Gee darling, I would love to watch this film, but its a four hour celebration of white supremacy and slavery'

It is! The title is 'Gone with the wind', mourning the loss of the rich, slave-owing society of the pre-civil war south. And all the African Americans in that film. They are slaves! Where are the whip scars on their backs? Where are the scenes of them doing back-breaking labour for 12 hours to make their masters rich? Where are the scenes of when their children were sold as slaves to make more money. They aren't in the film. But it's happening, all the time. In the background. What sort of horrible shit is your girlfriend expecting you to watch here?!

The characters. All the white women are self-absorbed pains in the ass who have to take siestas in the afternoon when the weather gets a bit hot. Aww! Er, have you looked out in the fucking plantation fields recently?! You wanna talk about suffering? All they think about is Ashley bleeding Wilkes. How do you think he got to be so rich? Rhett Butler looks like he hasn't done a days work in his life. He disapproves of slavery? Oh well, that's ok then, that's that problem solved! If you're cheering when the Union troops burn Atlanta, you know you're watching the wrong film for you.
Four hours of KKK propaganda? Not tonight darling, sorry. How did you get into this shit anyway? Now I think of it, how much your mum loves white bedsheets.

To avoid tilting at the windmills of Godwin's Law here, we shall conclude. Remember to stick by your pool and just chill out.


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