You're going to hang yourself because you feel life is pointless and you can't go on? Get fucking real, that's a stupid reason!
Watch world business report on Beeb news 24 and then you'll lose the will to live. You'll find yourself there at two in the morning, slumped before the dead flickering images as some adenoidal Australian tells you about how the share value in the eurozone due to the recent plywood extravaganza in Lisbon has encouraged the market to expand by 0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.3% growth showing a promising year of fiscal masturbation for all those who observe the stock market while holding their cocks in their hands, their hands glued to it by long dried, mummified jizz.
Uuuuuuuuuuuuuunh. If you're still capable of emitting noise after that mulch, it will be a miracle. Commiting suicide? Fuck, you'll be running into the night looking for Oscar Pistorius and shouting "I'm your girlfriend, I'm your girlfriend!'
(Why are there so many guns in South Africa owed by these guys? What is their standard defence in having them? "In case the blacks try to break into your house"...Oh, what a wonderful world it is then.
'I'd love to teach the world to sing...but want to sell it brown fizzy drinks instead to rot people's spines...' Advertising meets the Love Generation meets ethnic harmony, how fucking tuneful.)
And now to look at the south east asian markets. Cut to live VT of a market in Shanghai and somebody buying fucking grapes. And now for money news. Cut to human beast rubbing his paws together and salivating;
"Ahhhhha...Money, money, money, lovely moolah, lovely tons of riches...oooh my dreams of avarice."
Outside of basic needs what do you need money for? What are you going to do with a surplus of it? Be happier? Fuck no, it won't happen, guaranteed. Make the world a better place? Well, considering how much it has contributed to the fucking up of the world in the first place that is SOME trend you gotta reverse.
And now on News 24 World Business Report, here is a fine line of watermelons that need to be sold and here are just the men who might do that...Then to look at the far east markets. Cut to shot of people buying shit in a fucking far east market. What is the point?!
Remember folks, this is the system we have chosen. We have capital venture investment. So we can have iphones. It is worth the pain. Come to think of it, I had an iphone once. Fucking useless, annoying, gimmicky piece of shit it was too. Trying to write anything on it was a drain on my will to live. The screen was too fiddly so it didn't work. So I took a hammer to it. It still didn't work but boy, was that satisfying!
Suicide? Fuck that, get an iphone or wait til world business report is on again.
And now from Singapore...Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!
Oscar boi? That TV is your girlfriend!...BANG! BANG! BANG!...Don't need the cricket bat boi, but if that's your thing. Thanks in Afrikaans and report to your local police, y'hear boi?
Ahh that is better, life is sweet.