Thursday, 28 March 2013

Not so much a turd, as a way of life

You think it's easy being Bisson? You think it's easy to sit here and write this unreasonable shit that you never bother your arse to read? Can you even conceive the amount of bad karma each word gets me here. No ya don't and you don't give a shit. Neither does the rest of the planet...but who are the heartless bastards then? Easy, you lot without a shadow of a doubt. I, at least, care.

As a dedicated follower of my own entrails as most a poet is wont to google...
Not really. I wouldn't even google an aflame nose snotter to find out where it is, to piss on it to put it out. Nah, tell you what it is, Ol' Bish is going to treat himself to a bit of quiet peaceful time over Easter to let his senses breathe again and find harmony. Don't worry, I'm sure you useless shower of heartless bastards will piss me off into writing again. It's the only thing you have a gift for.

Bit o'housekeeping before I take to my swimming pool...

I saw in the Daily Record some outrage about a female teacher having sex with a 17 year old male pupil. It was considered a scandal and it is a scandal! Not the shagging, but the bullshit moral outrage surrounding it. How dare the human race puff it's chest up and declare this to be wrong. Sex between two consenting adults? Yeah, shit one there.

Let me tell you this; if you morons continue to run about squawking about female teachers having sex with their male students then female teachers are LESS LIKELY to have sex with their male students. Fuck you! You are so bloody apathetic and let wars and economic collapse happen, but you'll only rouse yourselves for this kind of bollocks. Have you any idea how many hot female teachers there were at school and how ol' Bisson could have shown them a good time, which I have a talent for. I HATE seeing talent wasted. Yeah, because of you self-righteous fucks, they wanted to savour my talents but were too scared of being caught by the Daily Record. Bisson was a talented 17 year old pupil and very much wanted to fuck the hot female teachers in his school. But NOOOO, war is good, sex between teacher and consenting pupil 'baaad'.
Baaaaaa, why don't you fuck off you useless sheep and stop bleating pointlessly. Stop wasting talent with your bollocks. Stop your moralising crap, I'm trying to get laid here. Hot female teachers need a good seeing to!

I was speaking to Louis from Lisburn recently who felt my take on guns and gun nuts was unfair. America needs it's guns! You're right, Louis from Lisburn. Though I was just pointing out that without guns, the Yanks would be too bloody lazy to pull off the mass murders they commit every year and in the writing of the constitution, nobody saw the advent of automatic rifles. They proposed the right to bear arms concerning guns that stopped working in damp weather. Plus it wasn't in the original constitution, they had to amend it when they realised they hadn't covered everything first time around.

But that's old news and I agree I need a better argument. For you, dear Louis of Lisburn, here's a new proposal for the gun nutter problem;

Instead of banning guns and assault rifles, what you do instead is stop educating kids in the United States. Now, that sounds a very American solution, but in fact my idea is more complicated than that. What will be done is that ALL children in the United States leave the country and receive an education in other countries like the UK or Australia until the age of 18 when they have the right to return if they so wish. Not being in the U.S will keep them safe from nutcases with easy access to guns. Sure there are lunatics in other countries but they aren't able to get guns as easily; the sale is more restricted and the mentally unstable have a tough time getting their hands on guns outside the U.S. The kids will be taught in a safer environment and will return to the U.S with a fresh, more intelligent and less reactionary attitude. Outside America, this is easily attainable despite appearances.

Of course there will be blubbing. Many kids will be sad at having to go but at the same time are more adaptable to change than intransigent adults and will accept that their elders are too emotionally constipated about guns to raise and teach them properly and thus have forced this situation upon them. Any adults blubbing, well hey, you still have your guns don't you? What are you fucking crying for? Your kids are safe, they are far away from your non-existent gun laws. If you don't want to see your children sent overseas don't bloody have them in the first place! That will reduce the huge human population strain our finite planet is suffering under. When the kids do come back they will have a fresh attitude towards guns and finally some change will happen. Everybody wins.

I'm still not sure what we have guns for. We don't get attacked by other animals unless we go looking for them and to do that is just stupid. Alien invasion? Guns aren't going to be much use against beings who have the ability to travel faster than the speed of light. All I can think of is to protect ourselves from other humans, in which case we're fucked as a species. Of course we're not a species. We're more like a plague.

Anyway, going to let all you dozy cunts carry on this pointless and inevitable fall into nothingness, which is entirely self created. If an asteroid hits, the world will not end, but humans will cause the end of the world.

Time to rest, relax and put the feet up some. Sweet!


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