Who loves the sun? Well I don't see it out today, motherfucker.
Belfast has become the bide-a-wee refuge for waifs of a disagreeable manner according to a last Banana of mine. I'll admit I threw my toys out of the pram something proper and howled more like a nappy wearing wee shit when there was no-one there to pick them up. The cure for all hurt and sobbing feelings is to wind your neck in, here in Belfast. Fuck if only Freud had lived here. He could have just told all the emotionally hurt and mentally disturbed persons he tried to heal, to 'wind their necks in' and saved himself hours of work. The last word in caring and compassion. Actually that's only the second last. The real last word here is to 'go fuck yourself.' We care, we really do.
In fact after my howl, one pal who had sought greener fields outside of the city got in touch. Why have we left Bisson he said. Have you checked your deodorant recently? Ah, no I haven't and when I did...oh, fuck me!
That said unpleasant smells have much use in the political and financial sector. With my stench there could be a revolution coming on. Not now though, I wanna shower.
But this ain't why I called you here today, dear, devoted fuckwits. Abounding amongst those who applied for cityside admission many moons back when was a fellow called Colin Dardis.
What is a Colin Dardis?! Well Colin is a country lad. Meh...Who has religion on his sleeve, rather than in his heart like the rest of us. Bah...Who also fancies himself as a poet. Aw fuck! And has voided himself of hair and yet gets the girls. I am surprised not, but for yuks sake, enlighten me, how doth he do dat? Colin is a trendy. Aw fuck that!! Yep, a trendy poet at that. Eurgh, I'd rather have pubic lice!
Now that's bad enough. The trendy finds themselves a stance and poses in a very cool, yet very caring way as they do in all aspects of their life. They bring you love. Except when you don't quite match their standards and then they cold shoulder you and would leave you to die in the outer darkness, if you were dying and they had some outer darkness.
Is this a crime? No it is a way of life for many, many, many people in this six county dump masquerading as a political enigma. Colin is but one of thousands of trendbots, ready to envelop all existence as we know it, like a new spring range at GAP.
No, the crime for all right thinking persons as opposed to all right-on persons is a rather wooden headed statement our Col made in the wake of Jimmy Savile raping everything that moved under the age of 14 since 1963. Our Col was quick to be appeased on this matter when the BBC put Children in Need and a David Attenborough documentary on at the same time in November 2012. Our Col then stated publicly on the trendy hub that his faith in the BBC was restored. Yeah...that's right Col, 40 years of institutionalised looking the other way and on-premises sexual molestation is excused in this one night by putting those two programmes on at the same time. If only Gary Glitter had thought of that, he'd still be in the charts.
Dopey statements speak for themselves and we should give Colin his youth and trendy thinking...well not really, because where would the world be then? Yeah thinking of it, shut up Colin, you dopey know-nowt.
Colin responded in the way all trendies do when a right thinking person pointed his foolishness out to him. He got tough. He...blocked the person who disagreed with him. Then destroyed that person's work and some more work which did not chime in with world views we must all keep to be right on and liberal and with it. Don't fuck with Colin, he'll get violent. He'll try to erase all traces of your existence...from social networking sites. Oh no, what is to be done. We'll be back to a time before the internet! In fact I remember that, it was called 1993. We managed ok, there were some really good TV shows on then and a lot of good music. Ok Col, do your worst then. Oh shit its 1993 again and the Kings of Leon are not in the charts...I wondered why the world felt so much lighter and happier. The absence of fucking awful music does make a difference, hay!
Colin and his sychophants will no doubt turn their backs to all you who disagree and seek to puncture their egos. Not really that bad a thing...World still turning? Check. Loads of cool wonderful things in life to charm the senses. Check. Yep, sorry Colin you and your trend, moronic opinions and trendy flunkies aren't needed here. We manage just fine without you. Fuck off.